Yes Virginia, there is a War on Christmas

At this glorious time of year when Americans give thanks for being loved by a white God, we all face the nagging fear of otherness. And when I say “all,” you know if that excludes you. I am speaking on behalf of Christmas loving people, some of whom may actually not be white.

Christmas is our sweet savior JESUS CHRIST’s way of reminding us that lights and ornaments and brightly wrapped gifts are reserved for Christians. It is of course unavoidable that “others” will also be reading this. In the spirit of fairness which Christmas instills in all Christians, I would like to extend my hand – and gently push you in the direction of another continent where your sort are tolerated.

We have all seen Sharia law used to settle cases where outside agitators have sought to legitimize Satanic phrases such as “Happy Holidays,” and “Season’s Greetings.” And it’s a well-known secret that Democrats and atheists are funding hidden labs in Iran where they are cloning Sharia lawyers even as we speak. Scud missiles are aimed at our great American malls, intent on the destruction of the holy tradition of capitalism. Rumor has it, and I know it to be a fact, that the missiles are painted with Arabic slogans which are direct translations of heathen phrases like “Happy Kwanza,” and “Celebrate Saturnalia.”

Yes, Virginia, there is a war on Christmas, and it’s high time we privatize Social Security and Medicare so we can free up those precious resources as we fight back. And your little Johnny and Sally are just being indoctrinated with hate-filled teachings on evolution and civil rights in their near-Communist state-run public schools, so we may as well defund them too. I say, let’s make America safe for Christmas again! Let’s pray in our children’s classrooms at the beginning of each lesson, or let’s close down those schools and sentence the principals and teachers to a joyless life of foreign films, vegan food, and because you asked for it, diversity.

Only when we have made it clear that America will not tolerate Christmas hating homos and ACLU commies, will we know the gentle love of Jesus. I say “Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year so you can celebrate another Merry Christmas!” I can tolerate “Happy Hanukah” just a bit since you Jews hate Muslims too, but for God’s sake, quit spelling it with a “C!”

Eulogy for Youth’s End

I am jealous of my daughter’s generation and their wanton disregard for all the cautionary tales we throw at them. I am jealous of their sure conviction that a vast gulf separates them from my generation’s age, and aging, and aches &, pains, and lapsing physical capabilities and broken beauty. I often wistfully wish I could regain that age; that if I could but have my youth again, I would know better now how to spend the time in-between. Twenty-Four is all possibility, and an infinite future in which to make decisions and choices at leisure.

We hasten, my generation, to caution our children-turned-young-adults, about the swift passage of years just over the next horizon. We do this because we hope they will take heed and make good decisions now before they reap the fruit of decisions gone irrevocably bad. And we do this because we are jealous of the years they have before they find they may have painted themselves into a corner, and wish we could have those years too. They listen to us no more than we listened to our parents and their contemporaries in turn.

But then on occasion, those precious, nascent, jealously regarded years are dispensed with in no time whatsoever. Without regard for its thrumming imbued magic of potentiality and potency, this stretch of time is reduced without warning to a black hole, devouring itself to a pinpoint of nothing.

My daughter had a friend in high school. She and he enjoyed their shared companionship gazing at stars from our back lawn as we slept unaware of their liaisons. Her window let her out of her room and into the shared night of the cosmos, grass, coffee and teenage philosophy. We met him on occasion, learning of their nocturnal friendship only sometime later. But we “approved” of him. He was good and kind and he made her happy. It has been some years, I think, since they have shared much more than a distant friendship, but he was every bit a shaper of her adolescence, for good or for bad, as my wife and I were – at least for a time.

But that time, several years ago, is gone. And his time, now, is also gone. He was murdered by strangers, without motive – as far as the police know – this past Sunday.

I didn’t know him well. I don’t grieve for him per se. I grieve vicariously with my daughter. But I also find myself grieving in a way I don’t fully understand. I think it may be that though I knew him only a little and only a number of years ago, I did actually know him. And he represented that boundless possibility of future years. And while I can’t have those years for myself, and while I am jealous of those who do have them for themselves, I am ultimately a champion of their right to have those years for themselves. Their theft leaves me appalled. There is a diminished set of years to be lived by a bright light. As with all of us, that luminescence would have gradually faded, perhaps to become merely wan, but more likely to become varied in subtle hues of wisdom, regret, and joy. But it has been unfairly snuffed.

I don’t believe in heaven. I believe in the life we have. I will not squander the years I have yet in front of me. I will dispense with keening over my lost youth – now that I have a clearer appreciation of what lost youth really is.

Countdown to Fall

A bumper sticker I would like to have

Jimmy Carter's Comments of Race

Mr. Carter is absolutely right in pointing out that the emperor has no clothes. In my experience, the ones who shout loudest that they are not racists, or that racism is a thing of the past in America, are generally the most racist of the lot. I don't know how many times I have heard the phrase, "I'm not racist, but...."

President Obama has been in a tricky position ever since his campaign went into high gear a year and a half ago. The man is no fool and certainly recognizes racism when he encounters it. Yet any mention of it by him or his staff would receive an instant backlash. In fact, I hadn't thought of it in such terms before, but I'd bet that's a fervid hope by those orchestrating such things on the Right. Kind of like when Hillary identified a "vast rightwing conspiracy," and was soundly ridiculed for stating an obvious truth. Only the Right would make 100 times the hay with any admission on Obama's part that his administration is being attacked based on race.

The ultimate affront is that race is being used to incite hatred toward this administration, not necessarily because those behind this renewed vast rightwing conspiracy are themselves racist (though no doubt some are), but because it's a convenient means of tapping into the fears of a large segment of the population. It was the reason the Right went after Hillary more than they did Bill: they knew it would be easy to inflame millions of conservative voters who distrust women in pantsuits.

Open Letter to President Obama

Dear President Obama,

You ran on a promise of affordable healthcare for all. This has been the goal of Democrats and progressives for nearly three quarters of a decade. A bill without a public option would be a boon to the insurance and pharmaceutical industries and would serve to actually make our healthcare system more expensive for all. Please be true to the principles you campaigned on. Your legacy should not be a healthcare boondoggle that hangs like an albatross around your neck. Worse yet, the albatross would be unfairly hung around the necks of all progressives and Democrats, and would make a Republican Neo-Con resurgence almost inevitable. Teddy Kennedy would already be turning in his grave if he knew you were entertaining going forward without a public option. Prove you are carrying the torch he handed you when he endorsed your campaign. Be the man of the people you promised to be. You work for us Mr. President. You are accountable to us. Be true. Stand firm. We who supported you so steadfastly during your campaign will stand firm with you – but you above all must stand firm now. NO healthcare bill without the public option!

I wrote the above message on a petition I just signed through BoldProgressives.org. I would like to add to it here. A healthcare bill written without a public option will be a healthcare bill written, for all intents and purposes, by and for the Pharmaceutical and Insurance industries. Too long under the Bush administration, were bills written and signed, serving corporate interests at the expense of the public interest. Your campaign promise of change had, at its heart, this resounding distinction. You must shepherd a Congress with the public interest at heart. Only then will we know that change is happening. This is a critical moment Mr. President. It would be better to have fought and to have lost than to capitulate and lose faith with the American people. Undoing the public option is not compromise; it is a betrayal of principle.

Time to Move On

I started this blog because I like writing. It began as a series of essays on life, which I enjoyed. But it rapidly found a stridently political voice. It was a voice shared by many at the time, and I have no regrets for having written so.

But it's not what I started out to do, and it's really not what I enjoy writing about. I can't go back. This blog is what it is. But I can go forward, and I have done so, here:

Conversational Drift

Please join me there. I have a fresh page just waiting for the essays I love.

Thank you,

Yar

Alexis Cohen (Idol Wannabe) Hit and Killed - Cops were to blame

A young gal named Alexis Cohen was hit and killed in the small hours of the morning. She was apparently a two-time contestant on American Idol. News stories abound with brief comments on her career and with descriptions of the despicable hit and run act by the bad guy Daniel Bark. Discussions are all about his record, his bail, what a "punk" he is.

I'm sure these are valid conversations. But one story mentions that the hit and run occurred as Bark was running from the Police, who were chasing him. This means that if the cops hadn't chased Bark, young Ms. Cohen would be alive.

Why does nobody ever assign blame to the cops? I don't mean to suggest that Bark is blameless. Doubtless the court will find him guilty of manslaughter or worse. But why aren't cops ever held to account for this kind of thing? Why do cops get the kid glove treatment from the public? When President Obama had the temerity to question the judgement of the police in the Gates case, you would have thought the world was coming to an end. How dare he question the police?

Let's quit molly-codling the cops and start holding them accountable. A quirky young woman who played the erstwhile entertainer for America is dead, and nobody is asking for that kind of accountability.

To the Victors go the Spoilage

So we thought everything was going to be alright now that we elected a Democratic Congress, Senate and Administration. What’s more, we even managed to break at least one glass ceiling on the way (two, if you consider comedy, and Al Franken).

So I forgot about blogging. I went back to Kleenex inventorying, and Scotch sampling. All was now supposed to be good with the world. It was time to enjoy the pretty sunset colors.

Universal healthcare. Ahhh, so nice. Don’t ask, don’t even worry. Better. Guantana-no mo. Bush and Cheney in irons. Patriot – Last Act. What lovely vistas. Let’s raise a glass and toast to these visions of American rebirth.

Huh?

What’s up?

Did I miss something? I know I was in the john for a bit, but surely things can’t have taken the right turn they seem to have.

Can they?

Is this 1992 all over again? I can’t imagine we haven’t learned anything. We couldn’t possibly have let a vast right wing conspiracy survive as anything more than a whisper of a rotten ghost of a long-dead corpse of a miscreant forgotten by all but some dreary Neanderthals.

Could we?

Have we really allowed a coherent voice from speakers for the dead? Are we actually fighting the same old battles, only with the added juice of race? And with more hyped up venom than ever? With lies which site other lies as “proof,” which themselves are based on falsehoods, based on prevarications, based on malicious slander, and on and on. But of course, like Roger Daughtry, we can’t get fooled again.

Can we?

We have managed to facilitate a bulwark of mighty truth have we not? We have assembled a mountain of evidence. We have instructed our misled brethren (and sisthren) in the holy art of critical thinking.

Haven’t we?

The really bad guys who had free reign in this land, and who made our names synonymous with evil, are vanquished.

Aren’t they?

Why then do we continue to fight what we have won?

How is it that we made battle and unified a people as hadn’t been unified for half a century, and yet we still cannot act like winners?

Quit the apologies. Forget the goddamned bipartisanship. Screw the Republican party.

We won.

They lost.

Let’s be victors and claim the spoils.

Before they spoil.

Great Day

What else is there to say? I was stuck at work today (I was supposed to have the day off, but work duties called). I saw the better part of President Obama's speech. Bonnie was at home, and she recorded it. I'll watch the whole thing with her this evening.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am no Pollyanna. But I can't help but feel a great deal of hope. As a general rule, I do not believe in disenfranchisement, but all those right wing whacko's out there who have done their level best over the past eight years to make our world hell, have been disenfranchised today! And it's a great thing.

I can't say where this will all end. But what a great beginning.

Obama and the Rick Rabbit Warren

This is the best I've seen written on this subject to date: Taking Yes for an Answer

Remember the Guillotine

I have been absent a bit too long from these pages. I really ought to spend more time here. Perhaps I'll put pen to paper over my Christmas break. In the meantime...

I don't know about you, but I am starting to get a little worried. I may not have this desk and computer and chair and roof over my head all that much longer. Now, I have no imminent concerns over the health of hearth and home, but I'm in the same boat we're all sailing in, and I'm not in the posh cabins. Neither am I sitting in steerage just yet, but a further list to port could easily wash me there.

So here is what I have to say: To you people out there who caused all this; to you overly powerful, greedy, sadistic, obscenely wealthy, traitorous, motherfuckers who robbed our treasury blind and even now have your butt boy Bush eviscerating the endangered species act, among other things - just because you can and just because you enjoy fucking every living thing on this planet, and to you who are quietly secreting away the billions you frightened us into handing over to your henchmen carte blanch; your days of hiding behind your dollars (and yen and kroners, and euros) are coming to an end. Watch out; as we all become poor, nobody is going to fight for you anymore. You will be on your own. Your private armies will disband. Your ready access to all your wealth will soon become as problematic as it was for the Howells sitting on Gilligan's Island. But you won't be able to bully anybody into refreshing your gin and tonic. The advantage of having one tenth of one percent of the world's population owning 99 percent of the world's wealth is that, baby we have the numbers in spades. And all your guns are going to be pretty worthless when you have nobody left willing to pull the triggers on your behalf. You folks better start ordering your coffins. You're going to need them soon.

Remember the guillotine.

I hope it was worth it.

Interlude

I have a long post I have started to write, but I'm not there yet. Life has intervened.

However, I want to write briefly about these post-election times. The euphoria of almost two weeks ago (it seems much longer) has settled down to "who is being considered for this position," and "why has Obama's camp become so much less close to the chest in their vetting process," and "will Obama support a Big Three bailout," and even "what puppy will the Obamas have?"

Amidst all of that hoo-haw, on third pages of newspapers and mentioned on radio only by Randi Rhodes, is a sinister, disjointed for now, movement of hate and violence. I am very concerned about this. We need to vigilant. We need not yet rest on our laurels. Not only do we need to stand strong as a movement for the purpose of making the changes we have all ascribed to as progressives and liberals and just-plain Americans; we need to build this movement so we can stand in strength against the rising fear and hatred fanned by Limbaugh and Savage and the KKK. They will surely rein havoc and murder. We must be larger than them.

I am very hopeful. I am also very concerned about the threat within. These are times of great potential and also of great peril. Let's rise to the call of our times and stand firm together.

Yes We Did

YES WE DID!

This Tuesday...

New Rule

A note to those who would post here:

I will gladly post any comment that does not spew hysterican rhetoric here, regardless of my agreement or disagreement with the poster. I will however, beginning now, not accept any comment that I find to be pure hatred-filled, or willfully-ignorance-filled, bluster, and I will summarily delete all such comments.

Tough luck.

If you want to be read, post original thoughts (not rehashes of your Neo-Natzi mentors), and post honest opinions, not racially or socially charged disinformative tirades.
If you follow these simple suggestions, we may have a conversation.

Lacking that, Fuck You.

America’s Next Civil War

America is poised on the edge of a new era. We are (knock on wood) just about to elect our first Black President. This comes on the heels of what some are describing as the bleakest eight years in American history, culminating in what could become a worse economic collapse than that of the Great Depression of the 1930’s. Americans’ willingness to embrace a man of African descent for President rides hard on their rising certainty that the old guard got it desperately wrong.

As the old era collapses before our eyes, desperate old men are flailing about in an attempt to retain power, if not necessarily to reconsolidate it. Even if the presidency be lost for the old guard, a super minority in the Senate might still be avoided. And so the old boys (and their new girl) are spilling and spattering out words and sentiments intended to divide and to spread fear. Their only chance of retaining a sliver of power in Washington, as they view it, is to manipulate the fear and visceral hatred of the “other” into votes against the better interests of their constituents.

There is nothing new about this in America, and especially in American politics. Senator Joseph McCarthy used these tactics like a maestro in the 1950’s. Segregationists incited murder in the 50’s and 60’s, and the 90’s found our country fearing gays and illegal aliens as if the core of our existence were under attack.

What is troubling now is the way in which those, who truly believe that there is a pro-American crowd and an anti-American crowd in our midst, are being marginalized into a tight-knit stronghold of “us and them” mentality.

The past eight years have been the culmination of thirty years which started with Ronald Reagan, during which time we have had the American economy shift so far to the top-down model that the inevitable collapse has finally arrived. Most Americans are becoming aware of the flaw in this ointment, and are ready to return to the bottoms-up approach favored by Franklin Roosevelt. And while we would love to keep our heads embedded firmly in the sand, we understand in our guts just how much hard work we have ahead of us. Our dawning new day is not a panacea; it is simply a necessary step we must take if we are even to have a chance at rebuilding this troubled land.

As we cast our ballots in favor of a better future, few if any of us do so in spite. We don’t see the “real Americans” who see us as “anti-American,” as enemies. Neither do we look down our noses at them. I believe that if the “God and guns” crowd understood how they have been mercilessly used and manipulated toward the ends of folks who couldn’t give a fat nickel for their fates, these people would rise up in an anger yet unseen in our nation’s history. Unfortunately, even that statement is likely to be seen as elitist.

There is a very large group of Americans, perhaps twenty-five to thirty percent of us, who have been thoroughly manipulated and maneuvered into positions of fear and hatred for decades now. Social engineers, most often in the guise of radio talk show hosts, have employed the same brainwashing techniques used by cult leaders and Jihadists.
Quotes like these are very telling:

"Liberals hate real Americans that work, and accomplish and achieve." – Rep. Robin Hayes, R-North Carolina

"(“Real America” is) something Barack Obama can't possibly know, because he's not one of us. It's like the way (Richard) Nixon was able to talk to the hard hats." – Jim Wilson, a Colorado District Attorney

"I had to work for everything I got. That's what I was taught, and Sarah Palin understands that. People like Obama, they get driven in vans all over Washington. Palin's a working mom." - Reese Resnick, a Durango CO oil and gas industry salesman

These are disturbing sentiments. The most troubling aspect of these statements is that the fact-checkable portions of them are simply false. The first statement cannot be fact-checked, but I am liberal and I can assure that I have no hate for Americans that work, accomplish and achieve – in fact, I am one of those folks myself. The next statement, that Barack Obama is not one of us is simply ridiculous, unless you redefine “us.” But if you redefine “us,” you have undefined America, and have written her a new history. The final statement implies that Barack Obama was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Who is telling people such obvious lies?

I listened in dumbstruck fascination as a self-admitted listener to radio talk show host Michael Savage called a progressive host to tell her that Barack Obama was not in Hawaii to visit his dying grandmother; he was there to obtain a fake birth certificate since he had no real one. Source of this lie: I would guess it must be Michael Savage himself. He used to inhabit the dark corridors of a local talk radio station, and his dishonest vitriol is nearly unparalleled. But the point is this: once people have been indoctrinated sufficiently into the “us and them” world view, you can tell them almost anything that bolsters that view, and they will accept it without a thought.

Something on the order of seventy-five million Americans, who are otherwise mostly perfectly good people, have been so conditioned. That’s a blanket figure and a blanket statement, but I think the poll numbers back this up. We can push forward our progressive agendas and plans, and we should and must, but we are leaving behind the hearts and minds of this increasingly marginalized group. And there will be a piper to be paid. The conditioning of these Americans is such that for every move we make as a nation toward revitalization in a bottoms-up economy, and toward a more tolerant society, there will be a counter hardening of resolve in the camp of “real Americans.”

Nothing that grows malignantly is sustainable. Even seemingly benign malignancies (like stock-market bubbles) must eventually come crashing down. The polarization of American culture is not sustainable either. I firmly believe that a progressive, tolerant, bottoms-up America is an America on the right track. I am also fairly certain that the far-right crowd which fancies itself as the “real America” is not going to change their minds any time soon. So while we are rolling up our sleeves to rebuild our failing infrastructure, and reinvigorating our public school systems, and building a green economy, we all had better be watching over our shoulders. There’s a civil war brewing. And they have all the guns.

Our Higher Cause

As I digest one more day of political news and punditry, I think we all need some clarity. This isn’t merely a case of “us versus them,” or product “X” against product “Y.”

We have a higher cause than to promote yet further the divisive advancement of partisanship. Rhetoric pronounced from behind the safety of a party-base ensconced podium, inciting violence and bigotry, belongs to America’s past shame. Inspired calls for community visions and victories and for sleeves rolled as colors blend; as the rich hues of working sweat stain our brick and mortar edifices; as we pursue the purpose of our common humanity; these things belong to now and to America’s future.

That is clarification.

How has a once-great people found itself to be so full of hate? Why are so many of us lifted with the inspiration of belittlement? When did we learn to accept meanness as a substitute for substance? Who told us that fear should shape our vision?

These sentiments do not embody greatness. The purveyors of such filthy pursuits must not be considered for high public office. Under extremely troubling circumstances, we have found ourselves faced with the best opportunity any of us has had in our lives, to effectually make a deep mark on our futures, and on all of our children’s lives. Any of us who would accept hatred and fear as a substitute, or even as a dodge, cannot possibly say that we have inherited the spirits of our fathers. We will as good as have spit on their memories.

Instead, we must consider who we are as a people. We are great, not by our name or by our past, but only by our continued vigilance in the advancement of human freedom and dignity. Guns did not win this freedom for our ancestors. Hearts and minds won freedom with new ideas and with determined spirits. Guns only won our independence. Many an independent nation has subsequently lost its cause.

Our nation is in dire danger of losing our cause. It’s time to re-learn our real heritage. It’s time to unlearn the mockery of that past that proclaims our greatness to be at the expense of the shoddiness of all others.

Only causes challenging us to our nobler selves can make us to know we are doing right. Listen hard, please. There will be a test. And this is it.

Obama Ten Points Ahead

Did you ever think you'd see the day when people were so afraid about their futures that they would forget their fear of a black man?

Okay, so they broke it...

You know, I've been thinking.

Okay, I didn't start out thinking. I started out with my head in the sand. I started out accusing other people of having their heads in the sand. I started out angry. I started out pointing fingers. I started out scared. I started out despairing.

I said that I hadn't expected to spend the last twenty years of my life in a global economic depression. I schemed to see if I could keep everything we had worked so hard for. I considered plans to protect things I just absolutely could not lose. I tried to imagine myself living on the street after being evicted by a bank - a bank also hanging on for an inch of dignity, and inevitably losing. Ultimately losing.

I blamed it on economic greed. I blamed it on financial laziness. I blamed it on Republicans. I blamed it on Democrats for not having nads.

I blamed it on myself for not being prepared; for not being prescient enough to know I should have amassed two tons of gold these past twenty-five years.

And then I spent some time thinking. And I'm still thinking. I'm still reacting, but I'm working really hard at locating that thoughtful space.

And I have decided something that I think is really important.

When Bonnie and Brandy and I were in Italy five years ago, we were robbed of almost everything we had with us on our last day there. This reality hit us very suddenly. We heard our car alarm sound as we walked the path beside an ocean-side castle to the parking lot where we had carelessly abandoned most of our traveling belongings just an hour earlier. Moments later we saw the shattered glass that threatened profoundly to equate to a shattered vacation and shattered lives if we gave it that space to grow. Brandy immediately crashed into tears. My heart broke into twelve thousand pieces as I realized that I had failed to protect her, and I nearly lost my will to do anything but recriminate my own ill begotten decisions.

To my amazement to this day, I found something very deep inside myself, and called my daughter and wife to action. I announced (while shouting down the daemon that wanted me to despair and take all and any blame) that we needed to pull together NOW. I told Brandy that I knew how awful this was, but that I needed her strength now. We all needed each others' strength.

The long and the short of this is that we did manage to get our shit together. Within a matter of hours we had passports, other identification, new credit cards, cash, plane tickets, and our dignity wrapped around us again. We had managed, in a few short hours, to bring ourselves from a potentially ruined vacation, without a penny to our erstwhile unsubstantiated names, back to being people, and to being a family, and and to being revelers in life, again. We weren't without our scars, but we weren't victims either. We had our lives back.

This time things are going to be a bit harder. The assaults on our financial securities and on our dignity are much greater. And this time there are many many more lives than just those of three lonely travelers at stake. But this is where I got to thinking today: the principals are really the same.

Just as the three of us pulled together, deciding in the midst of our fear and despair that we couldn't afford to wallow in those emotions (no matter how justified), we as a society need to find the same strength together. This isn't going to be easy. Some are going to fall apart. Some people aren't going to be able to find any inner strength. I've never blamed Brandy for her reaction to our situation by bursting into tears. I've tried not to blame myself too much for letting it all happen or for finally having a meltdown in the Atlanta Airport on the way home the next day. We pulled together then; both immediately, and subsequently; and I know human nature has that capability. We have it in spades.

And so I am committing myself to making it though this very uncertain economic future with dignity and pride. And more importantly, I am committing myself to helping others through it as well.

Bonnie, Brandy and I all learned something about our resilience on that Thursday afternoon in Italy. And we each integrated those experiences into the overall fabric of our lives, and are better people for it. Our country is going to be better for this. We will be.

Bumper Sticker!

Recipe for Disaster

No, this isn't a commentary. This is a recipe I concocted recently and I felt I should share it for the benefit of all. I hope you like it:

Recipe for Disaster

To a broth of Crusty Old Man, add,

1 Short Temper
3 Bomb’s
plus 1 Iran, well stirred
1 Over-confident Karl Rove
1 Lovelorn Independent “Democratic” Senator / VP hopeful
1 Well-seasoned Romney stuffed firmly into the cavity created by Rove.

Simmer on low heat for several months, then turn to high, and add,

1 Denial of Crusty Old Man male fulfillment
1 Impetuous act of defiance
1 Viagra enhanced libido.

Crank that burner all the way to the Right, and vigorously stir in,

1 to 2 Pregnant Moms
1 Unrequited Beauty Queen
1 Bridge to Nowhere
1.1M Dollars slashed from Pregnant Teen’s fund
A few Caribou shot from an airplane
1 Suspicious Birth (add more to taste)
1 State next to Russia (almost as good as being there)
13,634 Alaskan Independence Party members
1 Estranged Brother in Law
Several As yet unrevealed Scandals

From the oven, remove the previously concocted Incited Hateful Prayer for Rain (see last month’s edition for the recipe), and accidentally spill it, causing hurricanes to rain on your own parade. Maintain a good face and serve promptly. Caution: This recipe sours very quickly; do not attempt to reheat.

Serves: No One

Please distribute freely.

It's a joke, right?

I must have misplaced my calendar. I could have sworn yesterday was August 29th, not April first.

I have to admit the word palin' has come to mind many times when looking at John McCain, but it has always been in reference to his skin tone. Who would have guessed he could actually find someone with that adjective for a name? Palin isn't so much a running mate as it is a dermatological condition.

But the joke gets better. Remember when the Pugs were asleep at the wheel and Dubya nominated his personal attorney, Harriet Meyers, to the Supreme Court? That took days (or maybe it was weeks - I don't remember any more) to settle. Bush got his dick slapped (although it was Dick who did the slapping), and Harriet managed to crawl away with a modicum of her dignity in tact.

Do you think that might just possibly be happening again? McCain was at the Miss Buffalo Chip competition a couple of weeks back. With adolescent excitement making his voice quiver, he offered up Cindy (not in a million years can I imagine somebody named Cindy as First Lady) for contention in the topless bikers' pageant. The man clearly likes a pretty face (even it you need to remove an inch of spackle just to find it).

So in sharper definition of his sallow character, McCain, in a effort to avoid Mittens as his in-house handler, finds an ex- beauty queen cum podunksville governor for a running, er, um, mate. Well at least we already know she's for world peace. I bet McCain is giddy imagining Cindy and Sarah in high heels and bathing suits on either side of him at his inauguration. Sarah could wax philosophical about how Americans don't have maps and such as.

So did Rove blink? Is Neocon Death Star Control in panic mode, with all those mindless minions scurrying about, hair on fire as their wiring short-circuits? I can see it now. Mittens actually has several hairs out of place and his mask is half torn off, revealing Cheney's sneer beneath. Shouts of "damage control" echoing about the underground chambers; the wails of torture victims in the dungeons below drowned out by the louder wails of a machine for which the wheels have just fallen off.

We back off from this picture to a distance several miles above, and watch and listen as a loud whump is followed by the colossal collapse of megatons of earth. Clouds of dust rise into the atmosphere. And slowly settle. Into silence.

Sarah and Cindy. It just doesn't get any better than this.

Happy Birthday Grampy McCain

Today is John McCain's 72nd birthday. Do you remember where he was three years ago today, on his 69th birthday? He was at an airforce base in Arizona, eating cake with Dubya. I have to imaging that was one expensive cake as tax paid for cakes go.

But do you remember what else was happening three years ago today, as Bush and McBush were eating cake?








Hurricane Katrina was drowning the city of New Orleans. That's what was happening. Rome was burning and Nero and McNero were fiddling.

Now guess what? Hurricane Gustav is bearing down on the gulf coast once again. It's scheduled for landfall, very possibly in New Orleans, on Monday, the day McSame's convention is slated to begin in Minneapolis-St Paul (Larry Craig's home away from home).

Well, Larry, you may need to wait a bit longer to get your fill of, well you know. It seems the Repugnant-Cons may delay their Con-vention. It would be awfully embarassing if a whole convention center full of these pig-faced slimeballs were eating cake as another hurricane makes landfall in Louisiana.

If they delay their orgy of oligarcy, do you suppose they will all be in New Orleans filling sandbags instead? I think more likely they'll be busy securing options to buy ocean front property on the Gulf Coast.